Apr. 21st, 2017

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I managed a bath three days ago. It's time for another one. Here's hoping I can find it within myself to do so today.

And yep, Matrixx, that would be one thing if Jesse had planted a big, sloppy kiss on our friend, or if he had made flirty remarks to our friend. But our friend is obviously, outright straight. We respect that. No sexual remarks, either directly or indirectly, have ever such occurred, so the outbreak of homophobia towards us was extremely jarring. And saddening, as it hurt both of our feelings greatly.

Cinema, I am considering posting a letter to him explaining our separation. Whether or not it falls on deaf ears, well...that remains up to our friend. It will at least explain OUR silence.

And Radium, yeah, it still shocks me to run into people who have such archaic and (in the end) self-absorbed thoughts, as if gay or bisexual men are sexual predators who will lure people into a comfortable trust before they lay waste to someone's butthole. Being the Midwest, I shouldn't be surprised. And yet, time and time again, I am.

We are nearing our yearly run of re-watching Babylon 5. I have watched it at least once a year for the last 12 years. I always find something new to relate to, every time. I've waffled over the years, finding myself relating to G'kar and Londo to varying degrees at various times in my life.

I've decided that I don't want to be either of them.

Both of them were ruled by anger, grave calamities, and acceptance in difficult ways. G'kar, of course, comes to a much happier ending (though I couldn't handle waves of religious acolytes pounding at my door. I can barely handle maintenance knocking on my door.) Londo does find peace at the end, in the final books that deal with the Centauri Prime arc. But it is a peace that is like G'kar's, won only through a lifetime of loss and years of well-intended but ill-made decisions.

That is one of the beauties of science fiction and fantasy. It allows to ask and answer questions about our humanity that can only be done so when dealing with non-human characters.

That show, for being over 20 years old now, is still illuminating for me.

I don't know what else to write. I am so tired. I got over 12 hours of sleep yesterday and it still wasn't enough. I remember the last time I felt truly rested - and it took five solid days of sleep to get there. Even then, the "restful" feeling lasted a single day and then WHAMMO, I was back to being utterly exhausted no matter what. Five straight days of sleep is not something I can afford very often, if rarely at all.

The words "chronic fatigue" does not even begin to do justice to what this phenomenon really does to a person.

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