Jan. 2nd, 2017

quirkytizzy: (Default)
So it turns out the Prednisone was masking joint and muscle aches. I'd say this is a new symptom (and it is, compared to six months ago), but it's likely that without the full Prednisone, I am now feeling it. I spent all day in bed yesterday with joints and muscles that felt stretched and pushed together at the same time.

When I get a doctor, that will need to be addressed.

I woke up at the prerequisite 1 AM, though would have slept longer had it not been for the wave of nausea that woke me up. If it ain't one thing, it's another. I guess nothing's a perfect fix.

It was still a relatively "good" day, in that I only experienced the tiniest of nausea. Looks like all of the everybody was right in that dairy causes nausea, as my queasy-free days are the days I indulge the least in milk. I eat plenty of dairy products and it turns out the straight milk on top of it taxes my kidneys (and thus the entire rest of the system) way too much.

It just took me doing it over and over again before it dawned on me that other people just may be right. Here's to us, the fools that never listen, who traipse dangerously unconcerned through good advice given. I guess it took me being miserable enough for enough length of time before I was willing to try it.

That's me in a nutshell. It's like...it's not enough for me to put my hand on the stove just once to learn it burns. I have to do it three or four times, just to be sure, and by the end of it, my hand's a cinder and other people are looking at me like I'm crazy.

Which I am. Crazy, I mean. But I shouldn't be crazy like THAT.

So I open the fridge, scan the shelves, and think to myself "MMMmmmm. Milk. Cold. Creamy. Comforting....for about 30 minutes before you spend the next several hours begging God to just let you throw up or die." Attaching the bad thought to the good thought is difficult, but it seems to be working.

It's amazing to me how fast my body will punish itself if I go too far out of bounds. Often inside the hour. Be it one end or another, I find myself glued to the toilet, or falling asleep at some truly inopportune time, or otherwise feeling as if I might fall over in a full-body haze.

Lupus is a harsh mistress. Her and her whip do not kindly tolerate disobedience.

I told Jesse yesterday that if my muscle and joint achiness is anywhere near what he deals with everyday, I am bowled over. It was all I could do walk to the bathroom without feeling like I was being pummeled by tiny hammers. He has chronic pain and it gets bad, sometimes to where he uses a cane, or has body twitches and spasms. I can't imagine living under anything worse than this for an extended period of time. But he does and it awes me.

It seems unfair sometimes. Things that the rest of the world needs MORE of (potassium, dairy, protein, phosphates, etc) are all things I need LESS of. The rest of the world needs to build a stronger immune system. I need to weaken mine. That causes its own problems. I gotta be weak enough to not generate extra bad cells, but strong enough to not die from the average cold, leading to an never-ending, never well-defined, teeter-totter mix of boosters and suppressants.

Prednisone is an immune booster, which contradicts my Cellcept, which is an immune suppressant, and yet somehow I'm supposed to be on both. It makes no sense to me. It is literally correcting - if not erasing entirely - one medicine for the other. And I HATE using medication to treat other medications.

Time to try and go back to sleep. Not because I'M tired, mind you. My mind is bright eyed and bushy tailed. No, it's because my meds haven't had enough time to metabolize and so I'm stuck feeling groggy.

I am so at my body's mercy. I am so much her bitch that it's not even funny.

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