quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
"I was not trying to kill myself, I just wanted to stop myself from cutting" she admonishes me. "I wanted to go to sleep so I do not act on the urge." "What is the big deal, so I had a little to drink?" Quote from QT (This was from the later visit to the ICU deliver her the things she will need in the mental health floor, Yesterday.)

Words are seeds that bloom over time and landmines waiting to rip apart the unwary.

In the ER room (with Pat) and then the ICU (sans P).

She is a really mean drunk, things she said stick in my mind.

She thinks I betrayed her, when I dialed 911. Mixing prescription drugs with ANY alcohol is bad. We have cut others from our lives for such behavior. Even ashamed, I do not regret it.

It took 8 security guards and straps to keep her in the ICU, I was not there.

I cried into Pats mothers arms yesterday and I am crying writing this.

I am sorry for this post being all over the place.

I cry harder for that sentence I have just written, this is against my will.

Gathered, a bit better. I have decided something has broken, moving on.

This afternoon on the phone after being moved from ICU to the recovering side of the ward, we spoke. She is feeling truly hopeless, lost. To be locked away forever would be a mercy she believes. Even asking me, what does it take to be committed forever? Murder? I half laughed at that, the other gripped in fear. I read into it, but still.

She hopes she will get out tomorrow.

I am not sure how I feel about that.


The verbosity of this post is some of what I needed to update, the rest is just verbal vomit.

I read your comments

Post or edit, post or edit...

Date: 2017-07-28 07:32 am (UTC)
cmcmck: (Default)
From: [personal profile] cmcmck
You were right to do what you did and she'll admit it eventually.

You are a good man Jesse and she knows it.

Hang on in there and be sure we are listening even if we're too far away to be of any practical use.

Hugs
disgruntledgirl: Taken from one of my many yahoo accts, which all mirror part of me. (Default)
From: [personal profile] disgruntledgirl
And she needs to stay a few extra days. They have got to get her meds under control. She knows things are not level inside her body. She's sane - it's her body that's crazy.

Keep busy. Clean the cat boxes. Clean the apartment. Get the trash out. Make some positive changes in your area to help you cope better.
I know the irony that I am writing this from the bottom of a black well myself, but I did get up before I read this very entry and forced myself to vacuum at least an air filter and clean 2 cat boxes. Tiny senses of accomplishments help.

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