Apr. 12th, 2017

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It's not fair. It's not fair. IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR.

And that's all I have this morning.
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After another four-ish hours worth of sleep, I wake up slightly less angry/depressed.

(Is there a word that combines those two feelings? Like, ANGdepressed or something?)

The pain on a general level has dropped from a 7 to a 5, which is still enough for me to know that if I go anywhere today, I'll be on my cane. But at least I'm just limping about the apartment instead of stumbling around the apartment.

One of the inevitably annoying aspects of spring has shown up - wasps. Despite our balcony being fairly well used, they build their shit everywhere. And like a demented version of Don Quixote, I have to swing the broom handle at wildly upward angles to knock down the nests.

Tilting at windmills is NOTHING compared to tilting at Nature's angriest, winged little beasts.

I had the oddest thought earlier this morning. I was thinking about David's ex-girlfriend (the one before me), who had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at a very early age. Teenage years, I think. I don't know much about the disease except that it causes extreme pain in the body and chronic fatigue.

I think about how awful it would have been to have the onset of such a disease come on so early. I mean, your teenage years are supposed to be super active, super social, to have so much energy. To have that taken away so young? I talk about how my disease isn't fair at 35.

Her disease at 17? Way more not fair.

And then I wondered if, by sheer age and length of experience, she was better at handling her disease than I am at mine. I would imagine she would be. It makes me wonder - and hope - that by the time I've got another 17 years or so under my belt, that I'll be better at this disease, too.

Funnily enough, our diseases are similar in symptoms AND we both also require the same kind of doctor: A rheumatoid doctor. Both lupus and RA are connective tissue disorders (though I'm not sure if RA is caused by internal cannibalization as lupus is). An RA doctor is as close to a Lupus doctor as one gets, being as connective tissue disorders are extremely specialized and often rare.

(Did you know that blood is considered a connective tissue? Apparently since it runs to literally every cell, every body part, and every nerve, it is, actually, CONNECTING to everything in your body. Weird, huh?)

I know several people - online and a couple of face-to-face people, with chronic illnesses. I even know of a few who also have connective tissue diseases.

I don't know anyone else with lupus and I've found crawling about on lupus support boards is often too much for me. I recognize the panic, the fear, and it often drags me down. So I've eased up on that.

Strange, so strange, the things and people we think of sometimes.
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There's been an influx of people moving from LJ to DW due to LJ implementing new policies. I saw there was a new Terms of Service and just clicked Yes because I was tired as shit.

Was there something offensive or worrisome I missed in all that fine print??? Did I somehow give away the content of my own writing to some massively creepy Putin-esque corporation or something????

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