Mar. 14th, 2017

quirkytizzy: (Default)
Ahh, how does that go? No rest for the wicked? I get an amazing day's worth of energy earlier this week (though procured only after 5 days of straight sleep) and then, as if returning to chastise me for my cheer, come the nightmares.

The worst kind of for me, which involves my cats. Silly, I know. Other people have dreams about their kids. I don't have children. So it's my cats in peril or who are lost and I cannot find them, I cannot save them. Or it's kittens that I have to abandon in some apocalyptic situation to ensure my own survival, their mewling echoing in my ears when I wake up. Or I stumble upon cats that are dying or mutilated and it's up to me to put them out of their misery, sobbing the entire way through the mercy killing.

Those are the dreams that I will wake up crying from. Monster dreams? PTSD dreams? Screaming. Those I will wake up screaming from. In some way, those are easier. I just turn on all of the lights, write out my mindfulness exercises on Livejournal, and lay back down (all lights still on, of course.)

These dreams about animals?

Those shatter my heart.
quirkytizzy: (Default)
So something is happening with penetrative sex that has not ever happened before. I'm not quite sure what to do about it. What's happening, you ask? Well...it hurts. The vaginal walls and muscles are NOT STRETCHING the way they should when being penetrated.

As in, either I somehow got tighter than a virgin or Jesse's dick grew another inch around and longer.

I'd thought "Okay, well, you haven't had sex in, like, a year. So you probably just need a little more lube than usual." I ALWAYS use lube, because a 35 year old body just doesn't produce lubrication the same way a 20 year old body does. Basic science, no moral judgement there.

(Well, no moral judgement except to the assholes who have been, in my life, OFFENDED that I used lube. As if the sight of their cock should somehow override biology. Fuck those dudes. Lube rules.)

Anyways, it turns out the extra lube, though, is not helping. Sliding down, even the simple act of penetration hurts enough to make me wince - and not in that good way.

I don't think vaginas can tighten up that much and Jesse's dick has not gotten bigger. So what is happening and how can I make sex more comfortable for myself? It's not lack of foreplay, because after all these years of body-boundaries, I REFUSE to have penetrative sex unless I really, really want to.

So if I'm climbing aboard the Cock Train, it means that I am ready and raring to go, engines gunning at full speed.

Except my body, by sending pain signals from my brain to my twat, disagrees. Why?

I'm going to bring this up with my doctor (it's possible this is medicine side effect), but I also thought you guys might have some ideas on what's going on and how to fix this.

Sex has never hurt like this before, and I'm doing all the usual things people say to do when it hurts. Use lube. Have more foreplay. Try different positions. It still hurts.

And it sucks, because I really want to start having regular sex again. Ideas? Suggestions? Similar experiences? A happy, warm speculum? Something?

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