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[personal profile] quirkytizzy
"I was not trying to kill myself, I just wanted to stop myself from cutting" she admonishes me. "I wanted to go to sleep so I do not act on the urge." "What is the big deal, so I had a little to drink?" Quote from QT (This was from the later visit to the ICU deliver her the things she will need in the mental health floor, Yesterday.)

Words are seeds that bloom over time and landmines waiting to rip apart the unwary.

In the ER room (with Pat) and then the ICU (sans P).

She is a really mean drunk, things she said stick in my mind.

She thinks I betrayed her, when I dialed 911. Mixing prescription drugs with ANY alcohol is bad. We have cut others from our lives for such behavior. Even ashamed, I do not regret it.

It took 8 security guards and straps to keep her in the ICU, I was not there.

I cried into Pats mothers arms yesterday and I am crying writing this.

I am sorry for this post being all over the place.

I cry harder for that sentence I have just written, this is against my will.

Gathered, a bit better. I have decided something has broken, moving on.

This afternoon on the phone after being moved from ICU to the recovering side of the ward, we spoke. She is feeling truly hopeless, lost. To be locked away forever would be a mercy she believes. Even asking me, what does it take to be committed forever? Murder? I half laughed at that, the other gripped in fear. I read into it, but still.

She hopes she will get out tomorrow.

I am not sure how I feel about that.


The verbosity of this post is some of what I needed to update, the rest is just verbal vomit.

I read your comments

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