quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
Thank you guys for the advice on writing. I'm going to look into those. Don't be surprised if I message you guys for more specific advice soon.

Something strange over the last couple of days - I've been thinking and talking about David more often. Since getting sick, his influence in my mind has dropped to nearly nothing. But for some reason lately, he is in my thoughts.

So I talk about him and am surprised to note the venom to my voice is missing. It's like I'm just talking about him, not spitting. And I realized something, too. Something that surprised me.

I no longer wish ill or harm on him. I did. I STRONGLY did before. I wanted him to suffer, to be miserable - all things he inherently is anyways, but it gave me joy to think of him being unhappy.

All of a sudden, it doesn't give me joy. His unhappiness is his and not mine. I told Jesse last night that as sick as I am now, it is nothing that I would EVER wish on anyone - not even David.

That surprised me. I'm not at the point where I'd wish him well, but somewhere over the last few months, I AM at the point where I wish him no pain. If David were diagnosed with a disease similar to lupus, I would feel genuine sorrow for him.

This is new. I don't think a day will ever come when I want to speak to him again. I don't think a day will ever come when I want to settle old debts, spats, or arguments.

But a day has come where I no longer actively wish him harm. This is strange, but I assume good.

Date: 2017-03-03 09:32 am (UTC)
cmcmck: (Default)
From: [personal profile] cmcmck
'His unhappiness is his and not mine.'

This! Absolutely.

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